How do Tam-Brahm's Marry? - One of Life's EPIC experiences

How do Tam-Brahm's Marry?
- One of Life's EPIC experiences

Its been a very long time since I posted something on my blog-- with a mundane routine and a mechanical life, managing time goes for a toss! If there's time, then there is no energy, and vice-versa: just something I have observed!

The topic of marriage is very interesting (life-changing and all that!!) - and the prospect of writing about it without having experienced it is akin to valiantly encountering a tiger in one's imagination vs. actually facing it!!! My sister's wedding is to be held soon - it got me wondering about the process as a whole - Arranged Marriage. And that too, a Tam-Brahm arranged marriage!!

To begin with, there's the popular phrase - 'All Marriages are fixed in heaven' [for which one pays heavily down here I believe ;)]. However, as a Tam-Brahm, I take pride in saying we like to challenge such beliefs and boldly take risks without due consideration! We (or rather the aunties in the family, or even a distant one at that, who believe they are solely appointed for the noble purpose of uniting two souls together) forge strong bonds between two individuals (who never knew the other person existed!) in Life's noble and prime institution of marriage.


Primarily, Tam-Brahm is a cool abbreviation for 'Tamil Brahmin). There are basically two sects::


1- IYER (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iyer)


and 2 - IYENGAR (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iyengar)

The Methodology

I. The online way

This is done through matrimonial sites. These websites have hope for all – be it a divorcee or a single parent or a normal unmarried person  .The concept really revolutionized and capitalized on the arranged marriages scene here . It’s really popular now because it works…  And this is how :

1. Putting up the girls’ profile and “(decent) photos” on matrimonial sites.
2. Scouring through hundreds of profiles to find the perfect boy- Good, fair boy, good family and preferably settled in the US- more points if the boy lives in popular business hubs-  yeah! Silicon valley, Texas and New York  sound great. Earlier only software engineers were in demand, but now thats out-thanks to recession)
3. Once they hit upon a good profile, the parents call and exchange the jaathakams(astrological charts) and see if those match.If yes, then photos are exchanged.
4. If okay, both the families meet. This meeting typically consists of the parents asking questions, judging the family and eating vada,bajji, bonda, kesari.. Oh nowadays its really cool to offer cookies (only eggless mind you  Cuz we are strict vegetarians but  conveniently forget that most of our tam brahm foreign boys love chicken) and diet coke – in case the foreign mapillai isnt too much into our (oily)snacks..
5. Then the girl and guy are asked to go into a separate room to get to know each other (don’t get ideas now) for abt half hour and in some lucky cases an hour or so …
6. If all goes well, the families agree on a date for the engagement and proceed with the other prep. If the girl/guy is not okay, then they just make up random excuses to the other party.. I mean you cant obviously say that the girl is too dark or the boy earns a little too less or that she would like to work (to be an independent working professional- which is at times not acceptable) or that he is going bald … 

II. Maami – Mama  socializing networking

Note: For the benefit of the ignorant – Maami generally refers to married and older Tam Brahm women. Mama – Maami's Husband (In most cases)

Marriage is a Wi-Fi spot (short for Wife Finder!!!) 99.99% maami’s and mama’s attend weddings to look for potential partners for their children or at least for other eligible and single men/women who are looking-to-marry. 

This also probably because a Tam Brahm wedding can possibly have only a majority of Tam Brahms attending – this makes the job easier. They look, they observe, they ask around then strike up a conversation with that poor unassuming girl / guy and then take it forward…

I had a minimum of at least 4 such conversations, though I refused to let them move any further… I have heard that this approach has worked many times… lol… so here goes:

” Hello aunty… yes, am doing good. How about you?…

I work for blah blah organization…(am sure it wouldn’t have mattered)

Am 23 aunty…( rude, very rude)

No not married…( oh! )

Yes, I am single.. no no  am not seeing anyone.

No my parents are not looking out either..(its not a crime right?)

No, not for another couple of years… Am not in a hurry.. (What? REALLY?! yeah, really aunty)

Yes, I want to be independent, on my own.. Work for a bit and stuff .. I ll know when am ready to marry, if at all I want to that is…  ( Scandalizing-  it was too much for her to take – She gave up:)  ) ”

Note to self: This is fun.

Conclusion: I can say that though the process itself may seem surreal and movie-like, the weddings I have witnessed so far were beautiful. I say beautiful because it’s really not easy to get to know new people, understand their ideas and accommodate their preferences in a short span of time. Putting together a big wedding is a herculean task. So many silent compromises are made and so many new bonds are established.Its an effort taken by both the families to make this work for their children. And with so much love and hope going into these efforts, it can never possibly go wrong. Sigh.....




Aravind K

I Wish....

I Wish....

When the nights are too long and my friends are, but, few,

When life is nothing but just a sad song,

I sit by my window and I think of nothing, but you,

Till the darkness inside has gone....

A silent whisper, a silent tear,

Memories of you swirl in my head,

With all my heart I wish you were here,

As I lay down alone on my bed..

I wish you were here so I could forget my past,

I wish you were close to me,

I wish I could make all those beautiful moments last,

I wish we were One till all eternity.

I wish dreams were like wishes; the ones that come true,

'Cause in my dreams I'm always with you,

I wish everything was still like it used to be,

I wish I could hold you in my arms peacefully...

I wish I could better things and right all the wrongs,

Put glowing hope within your heart,

I wish I could sing you your favourite songs,

I wish we could have a fresh start...

I wish I could wipe the tears from the corner of your eyes,

Exchange my happiness for your sorrow,

I wish I could make you happy; paying any price,

I wish I could gift you a better Tomorrow.

I wish I could shift all these grey clouds aside,

To reveal the shining stars above,

I wish you needed me to be by your side,

Once again, to be happily back in love!

I wish I could do something that would put a smile on your face,

I wish to hold you should you want to cry,

I wish I could rewind Time back to those nostalgic days,

When huddled up together, we both would lie..

I wish I could do all these things for you,

I wish you hadn't gone so far away,

Nothing can make me forget, but there's nothing I can do,

I must just think of you and silently pray...

I wish, with me, I could have made you stay

The day, you just get up and leave,

Breaking my heart, leaving me to find my own way,

In the darkness must I now grieve.......

-Aravind K

10.07.2011

Memories

Memories...

Everyone's life is composed of moments good and bad,

And times of pain & sorrow;

Still, hope and joy gush forth at times,

Making people rejoice like there's no 'morrow.

Countless events add up during one's life,

All vivid; a multicoloured hue;

Some moments of happiness; some moments of strife,

All weaving seamlessly, making our lives true!

For some, memories might not mean much,

Their lives, bitterly, has come to pass.

For others, this isn't true, their way is such,

Golden memories are a wealth they have amassed.

Some memories hit us, like raindrops against a window pane,

Memories always remain with us, nothing can take them away,

Some beautiful ones we reminisce, time and again;

They come easily to us when we need them most, they're just a thought away!

The first day in college, the first time on a bike,

The pranks and the laughs & all the mischievous fun;

All the good memories with near and dear ones alike,

Such moments in life, they will never be undone!

Of the falls and the injuries and all the pain that comes along,

Everyone has their share of memories both good and bad,

These are inevitable; part of life's lessons to make one strong,

They make life worth living; be it however sad!

For in one's life, memories are the only door to the future,

And they are the windows to the past,

Some memories are hazy; they quickly disappear;

While other beautiful memories will, for ever, last!

Memories re-unite us with forgotten places and things,

They bring smiles & laughter; happiness & joy;

Words cannot express the joy which a happy memory brings,

They bring satisfaction to our hearts like a baby receiving its first toy!

So we must always be good and do good to all around us,

Then life will pass smoothly, like a sweet song,

Golden memories must we create and spread everywhere,

For Happy & Fond Memories are all that we'll take along!

- Aravind K.

07.07.2011

Matchstick

Matchstick

I am a little matchstick

Small yet defiant…

Calm with a fire deep within

All it takes is one stroke to set me alight.

Light a lamp, I can

To drive darkness away

Or bring everything down

Turn things into ashes.

You may carry me in your pocket

And forget my presence…

But with every spark…every flash…

I shall storm back into your mind.

Never belittle me as I shall

Leave a trail even as I burn…

Never hold me too close,

For it may leave you with a scar.

Value me you may not,

Because I am negligible,

But when you stumble in the dark…

Think of me, sure you will.

I am a little matchstick,

Small yet defiant…

I shall continue to burn

Ceaselessly…

Before I Fall..

Before I Fall...

I stand alone, alone in the sea,

Wave after wave, crashing over my feet,

The wet earth slowly slips away from underneath me,

And I wait... for in a while my end must I patiently greet.

For life ebbs out of me slowly but surely,

Time harries; swiftly running out;

A guest in this world, is what I am merely,

I am fated to leave it soon, without doubt.

I remain a mere puppet in the world's center-stage,

Whose strings will soon be cut,

Past memories come back, swirling, in a haze,

No more joyous ones will be formed, but.

I am passenger, no longer driver of myself;

In this final journey which I must take alone.

For God is soon to remove me from this earthy shelf,

For Death, like Birth, is a a journey taken on one's own.

I am lost in the ushers of time, soon to be forgotten;

After a while, I'll exist as a mere memory,

Remembered seldom, if not more, by loves ones;

For far away from their worlds will I come to be.

Before I fall, my love, I have a bequest for you,

For this is my sweet swan song,

I know that your love for me is sweet and true,

Only this will enable my last to be peaceful; so be strong!

Before I fall, my love, please smile,

For it will fan my dying breath,

It will set the twinkle in my eye,

And my joy will be lengthened before my death.

So my love, wipe off your sneaking tears,

And kindly lend me the sunshine of your smile,

I'll leave with ease, and go without fear,

Because your laughter will light up my weary mile.

So before I fall, do not send me roses, for as I go

I cannot take them along with me,

Wrap me instead, in the fragrance of your prayers, slow,

Even as I am slowly set free...

I'll be there

I'll be there

When no one is there for you,

And you think no one cares.

When the whole world walks out on you,

And you think you're alone;

I'll be there.

When the one you care about the most,

Could care less about you;

When the one you gave your heart to,

Throws it in your face;

I'll be there.

When the person you trusted,

Betrays you;

When the person you share all your memories with hurts you;

I'll be there.

When all you need is a friend,

To listen to you whine.

When all you need is someone,

To catch your tears;

I'll be there.

When your heart hurts so bad,

You can't even breathe;

When you just want to curl up and die;

I'll be there.

When you start to cry,

After hearing that sad song.

When the tears just won't,

Stop falling down;

I'll be there.

So you see I'll be there until the end,

This is a promise I can make.

If you ever need me,

Just give me a call and,

I'll be there.

Friend

Friend

Where are you going, where have you been?

My dear, close, and quiet friend,

As we sit in the soft springtime Saturday's end

Taking comfort in each other once again.

Tell me your stories and I'll tell you mine;

And so we will pass a few hours time

With the quaint and the comic and even sublime -

Silently searching for that elusive sign.

We'll fashion the future and polish the past,

Allowing the memories to amass;

While the grains of sand slip through the glass

'Til a tranquil lull pervades at last.

Conversation fades with the eve's golden light,

We cannot go on, try though we might;

So you gather me an embrace so tight,

And we wistfully, longingly say goodnight.